Bluebird Returns - More on Ariel Gore's Happiness

Another topic that frequently pops up in the book is the idea of a “happiness set point.” This is the idea that every person is born with a temperament that inclines them to a certain level of cheerfulness (or not) regardless of events in their life. Famous studies about lottery winners and car crash victims are cited. But so are less famous studies (that I can’t cite here because I already returned the book to the library) which indicate that the set point is not set in stone.
I am reminded of a lab from Bio 101 in which I first heard the term set point. Three beakers are filled with water. One is left out to reach room temperature. Another is heated, and the third gets ice. The budding scientist dips her hand in the tepid water – yep, that’s water. Then the hand goes into the hot water. Skin turns red, teeth grit, struggle to hold it for the 30 seconds or so required. Now back in the tepid beaker and hey! now it feels cold. Hand in ice water, shiver shiver, back in tepid, hey, now it’s hot. Set point – an adjustable sense of what’s normal, calibration of the human body to changes in circumstance. The reason you don’t notice your clothes all day long (unless they’re wool, in which case they scratch all day no matter what).


Gore’s point is illustrated in the beginners’ science lab. We all have a predetermined disposition to stay at a certain level of happiness. That is our nature. But we are all capable of resetting our level through nurturing the habit of happiness. Patch Adams aside, most of us probably can’t choose to go from cynical Gen X malcontents to Pollyanna. But we are not fated to cranky either.

The techniques supported in the book are for the most part fairly predictable, and occasionally squirm-inducing cheesy, too. Gore admits this. She writes several pages about how her daily attempts to journal gratitude devolve into complaints about unsatisfying childhood Christmas presents. But studies (which, like I said, she cites and I won’t) show that happy people are aware of a sense of gratitude in their life. They also show that if you’re not naturally grateful, keeping a (cough, sorry, hairball) gratitude journal can actually, over time, make you a more grateful person. I haven’t been quite able to bring myself to try it yet. But I have tried to muzzle the inner rosary recitation of daily irritations. And, I already had started to build up a handy mental reference list of things I love about each of my kids that I can pull out and recite to myself when they exhibit some of their less charming characteristics. (That was a trick from Raising Your Spirited Child- possibly more on that later.) I think it helps.

For the record, here are some of the other things that make for happy mamas:

• Money does buy happiness (to a point). Heartwarming movies aside, not knowing where your next meal will come from or being able to pay bills on time is a significant predictor of unhappiness. Also, money well spent can buy things like art and tickets to places and events that will generate good memories that can buoy your spirits in challenging times.
• Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, enough exercise and eat good food. If you let yourself be a martyr, you won’t have the energy to energy your good works.
• FACE YOUR FEARS. Those who follow their passion, even when they are scared and even when it doesn’t work out, are more likely to be happy. Playing it safe (avoiding pain) does not lead to happiness. Women, and moms especially, are vulnerable to criticisms of self indulgence when they pursue their own dreams and take risks that could affect their whole families. But if we are to keep that sunshine center glowing, the whole family has to support mom’s goals, too.
• And then there’s the meditating and the yoga and the journaling and all the other self-help-book-type stuff that can help, too. Apparently, even happiness can be improved with practice.